At the moment there’s hundreds of worried faces in the library, covering the desks and none of them daring to look away from the computer screens. And theirs me munching away, not having a care in the world, accept I have an 8000 word draft in for less than two weeks. I don’t know what I’ve been doing…procrastinating on Facebook I expect and checking emails and scrolling through ebay. I have had my question changed ultimately three times in the last couple of weeks. I don’t think I can take anymore. I’ve just got to remember, just breathe and take deep breaths.
I was in the library the other day and all I could hear was the smashing sound of beating fingers hitting the computer keys. The noise sounding like a loud thud against my empty skull. I couldn’t console myself and in the end I had to go to the toilet and let out a short cry. I was struggling to fight back the tears in the book stacks. This particular day didn’t go down too well and all I could think was I stupid? Why has everyone completed three or four thousand words…and I haven’t? These thoughts kept spinning around in my head like a washing machine. I just couldn’t write one line before pressing the delete button and in the end I had to leave and go eat a burger to put my mind at rest. That’s the thing you see…food is the escapism. If you eat something nice, well if I eat something nice, It always seems to make things better. Some people like to go shopping or have a calming cigarette, for me food is my savior. I think by the end of these two months of crafting and carving away, safe can say that I will probably have gained about two stone in extra weight. Hopefully in the future I will not have to keep resulting in McDonald’s cheeseburgers to calm my nerves.
I intend to stay focused these next two weeks and take in as much information as my little brain can. I have my list of books and a stock of orange lucozade and series two Buffy to watch in between time off writing and I shall keep telling myself I will be OKAY.
My chosen question which hopefully will not be swapped and changed yet again is: An investigation into the reception of Sex and the City. Very girly I know, but at least it’s something I like to write about. I couldn’t think of anything worse than to write about something that you deteste for the next two months!
If you are worried about dissertations and feeling like myself here, try not to worry, it’s not all and be end all and my only advice is stay calm and have a burger 😉